What is wrong with me?

The way to finally 'get yourself' is to forget about finding it. That's what I figured out. You say, 'this search is going nowhere, i will just live my life'. And you will live your life and take with it what comes and goes. And when you are old or dying and your life flashes before your eyes, you want it to be good, something that will bring the tears of how well you had your life. THAT my friend is when you 'get yourself'. I hope that makes sense. =]